Parenting – The Importance of Physical Touch

There are so many different parenting books, experts, websites, blogs etc. It’s hard to know which ones to pay attention to. I’ve been in parenting class all of this last semester and we have already talked about several ways and techniques to parent. Instead of talking about parenting styles I want to talk about a child’s needs. The need I want to talk about today is the need for physical touch.

One form of physical touch that is never okay is any kind of physical harm, spanking, smacking etc. This teaches kids that violence is an okay way to solve a problem and that touching is a way to harm not a way to show love. If kids know they will be hit when they do something wrong, it doesn’t change behavior it teaches them to be more secretive about it. I’m not going to talk anymore about it, but that’s just my opinion. Positive physical touch on the other hand is so important and vital for growth and development.

As a child and still to this day my parents always make an effort to hug us. When I go home to see my parents, even in my mid twenties, they give me hugs, kisses on the cheek, and my Mom makes a point to come in my room to say good night and kiss me on the forehead before I go to bed. I never questioned whether or not my parents loved me, but more importantly I felt that I belonged, that I was really part of a family which helped me thrive as a child and now as a young adult. There have been numerous studies and stories in general about the importance of physical touch. My professor told us a story about a children’s hospital in the early 1900s that had two wings with two different sets of patient. In one of the wings doctors noticed that the children were recovering more quickly and thriving in one wing, but not in the other. Their first thought was that the doctors in one wing were better than the doctors in the other so they tried switching them, but that appeared to have no affect. They did the same with the nurses and even the custodial staff, but nothing seemed to be making a difference. Then one night they noticed an older lady in the wing where the children were doing better. She was not part of the custodial staff, but just did little things around like sweep and take care of small garbage here and there. This lady during the course of her work would go to each and every child’s crib, hold them and talk to them. The doctors asked her, “do you do this every night?” She said “yes, but I don’t let it interfere with my work.” Of course they weren’t worried about her work and told her it was okay, but she had been doing this every time she came to the hospital. The doctors decide to switch her over to the other wing where the children were not recovering and there was an almost immediate difference. The children started to recover and thrive just like the children in the other wing. The small act of making physical contact and spending time with each child made a very significant difference in the health of these children.

Physical touch and a feeling of belonging is something that everyone needs and helps us thrive and is especially important for children. Making a concerted effort to have physical contact daily with your kids can make a world of difference in their lives. Some don’t like to be hugged, but that’s not the only way to have contact. Wrestling, shaking hands, playing with their hair, a kiss on the cheek, other contact sports like basketball and football, these can all help kids fulfill that need for physical touch. There are so many cultures out there where physical touch like this is completely normal and not seen as weird. In Polynesian culture they hug and kiss each other on the cheek in greeting, in some Asian cultures two girls, who are merely friends, hold hands in the street without it being see as homosexual. We American’s are the ones who see it as weird and I think we are missing out on a lot, by labeling things as weird or sexual when they’re not.

In the end I hope each of us can make an effort to show people we love them and that they belong with more than just words and that we don’t have to make it weird or awkward. I’m very close to my max word count for this blog post so I’m going to end it here, but I would love to hear any comments or questions that anyone has.