Dating is a necessary but does anyone actually enjoy the dating phase, before marriage at least? I for one am single and I do not enjoy it at all, I have jokingly asked many people to just find me a husband, but no such luck yet. I’m still looking and I’m sure he is out there somewhere, but the search is very tiring.
I feel like dating has become more difficult than it was in times past. There is much more emphasis on physical appearance than there was in times past. The culprit of this emphasis is social media of course. Everyday we are bombarded by images of other people who have been changed by filters, Photoshop, and hours spent on hair and make up. Beauty standards have reached impossible heights and comparing ourselves to something that isn’t even real does nothing to help self esteem. I think there are probably a lot of people who don’t even put themselves out there because of these impossible standards, a travesty. This is only one way dating has changed.
Technology has also had an impact with dating apps and texting. It’s becoming more and more common to find couples who have met on apps or websites instead of the good old fashioned way. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I know many happy couples who wouldn’t have met otherwise, but with apps and texting there is less face to face contact. There are people “starting relationships” without even meeting each other until much later. You can exchange a lot of information on the internet that can give you the illusion of really knowing someone, but all your learning is facts about the other person. In order to really know someone you need more than just facts written on a page or said over video chat. In the book “How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk” by Dr. John Van Epp, Van Epp talks about something called the “know quo”, a simple formula for getting to know someone. Intimacy = Talk (mutual disclosure) + Togetherness (shared experiences) + Time, all three need to be present in order to get to know someone and become more intimate with one another. He also says that it takes at least 3 months to even start to know someone. It can feel like you really know someone after just a month or even a few dates, but I’m pretty sure most of that is hormones. We live in a world of instant gratification and we are used to getting things quickly, but if you are wanting a lasting healthy relationship with someone it takes time and effort.
Another thing we really talked about this week was the difference between dating and hanging out. Especially in the college culture that I am surrounded by people everyday that count “dating” as studying and eating food with each other………everyday………..and doing nothing else. According to Dallin H. Oaks a date is “planned, paired off, and paid for”. Not much effort goes into, lets study and eat food. There can be study dates, but don’t make it the only thing you do. We need to see people under lots of different circumstances.
We also talked about why more people get divorced after first living together than those who just get married. When people live together they are essentially just being roommates, they each have their own stuff and separate bank accounts, they live parallel lives even if they are in the same place. When people get married they share everything, bank accounts, dishes, cars etc. Their lives essentially become one, this bonds people together and gives them common purpose together. Even if living together sounds like a good way to test the waters in the end it’s not as good as you might think.
I wish I had more time to write more, but hopefully this was helpful to some.
Relationship Backpack 
I think dating had always seemed like a game to me. I never liked it either, but it’s hard to get married without it!
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