As a couple spends time in the dating phase getting to know each other through mutual disclosure and shared experiences they may decide to move from dating to courtship. The difference between the two being the exclusivity of the relationship. During courtship this couple will only go on dates with one another taking their time to continue to get to know each other. They take their time, not wanting to rush into anything, to find if they are compatible with one another. In time they start to talk about the next step in their relationship, their engagement and marriage.
I’ve talked with friends who feel the old traditions surrounding engagements and proposals as silly and old fashioned. I didn’t really know the significance behind an old fashioned proposal until we talked about it this past week in my class. Putting time and effort into finding a ring, planning something special for the moment he’ll ask, and then getting down on one knee, all show that he is committed before he asks her to commit as well. I think it is a very sweet and meaningful gesture. I know many that have not done this and have very happy marriages with committed partners so I’m not implying that men aren’t committed if they don’t do it this way, I am merely putting a little more information behind the tradition. However you want to do a proposal, I think it is important to make sure that it’s an intentional step from courtship to engagement.
The phase of engagement is very important and there are many decisions besides wedding arrangements that need to be made. This is when a couple needs to seriously work together and talk about how they are going to live once they are married. Figuring out where they will live, transportation from jobs or school, budgeting, and what you want to prioritize. The future can be scary and it can be very tempting to go to your parents for help with everything, but as you prepare to start a life together it is important to figure things out together, to rely on each other. Now there are times when you need help and advice from those with more wisdom, but in times like that being able to go together so you can both learn together will be very beneficial and you won’t be as likely to continue to rely on your parents for everything.
When it comes to weddings it is very traditional for great amounts of money to be spent. This money is usually provided by parents and the not the bride and groom. These parents usually have very good intentions and don’t have any desire to be paid back, but the bride and groom will be paying in other ways throughout the rest of their lives. I don’t think parents intend to do this, but they many times they end up holding the money spent on the wedding over their child’s head. If they want them to spend more time with them instead of the in-laws or friends etc many times this tactic is used to monopolize time and have parents more involved in your marriage than you would like. There is nothing wrong with having them help in some ways, but using your own money to contribute or pay for most of the wedding can lessen the chances of this happening. I think it also help keep the budget for a wedding from going overboard, there is nothing wrong with having a modest wedding. There have actually done studies on the amount of money spent at a wedding and it’s affect on a marriage. It was found that spending over 2,500$ on a wedding decreases the likelihood that the marriage will last, but that the more guests you have at a wedding the greater the likelihood that the marriage will last. Don’t get me wrong, there are always those who don’t fit into these molds I’ve described, I’m just making generalizations.
After pictures have been taken, cake eaten, and bouquet tossed, They head off to the honeymoon and their life together. Marriage between a man and a women is a beautiful thing. Going through life with a partner, working together as one makes life seem a lot less daunting. A best friend you can always count on and look to when your struggling. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies though, there will be fights, financial struggles, and habits that might drive you insane. That’s why it is so important to help lift each other up, put each other first, keep going on dates after marriage, make time for each other even if it’s a quick walk around the block. Do something that isn’t a chore, devoid of kids or any talk about business or family, continue to get to know each other because it will be a life long process.
Relationship Backpack 